Funny whatsapp status updates 2017

My damn phone doesn’t allow me text or call due to low battery but it has enough battery to keep screaming, “Low battery, Low battery…

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I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out ass.

Hmmmm…..Don’t copy my status.

80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having brain.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices… you’re one of them …

Am gonna Make my Status………….better you too Focus on your Status only

SOMETIMES I JUST WISH I’ COULD FAST FORWARD THE TIME TO SEE IF IN THE END IT’S ALL WORTH IT.

I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. 1f642

The only time success comes before work is in dictionary.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.

At least mosquito’s are attracted to me.

Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.

God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me 1f61b

Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet..

I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!

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You can never buy Love….But still you have to pay for it ..

Life is Short – Chat Fast!

Totally available!! Please disturb me!!

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money. :’).

If you can’t convince her then confuse her

Whenever I think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette.

I wish there was a day between Saturday and Sunday.

I talk to myself often that way I ensure I am talking to better class of people.

There’s only one problem with your face, I can see it.

I saw a shampoo with the title: “Rich-looking” So I washed my purse ..

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.

I am Cool but Summer Days make me hot..

My style is unique don’t copy it!

I am not failed, Because my success is lost.!

Love is like fart. If you force it, It’s probably shit.

I’m not sarcastic, I am just intelligent beyond your understanding.

My ex had one very annoying habit – BREATHING

Some people are beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.

Whatsapp users never die, they just go offline.

I told cashier- I want to open a joint account with anyone who have lots of money.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well

I just need a good Wifi and Wife.

Hello madam, do you want Credit Card? Girl: No thanks, I have a Boyfriend.

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.

I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.

Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?

Am fantaastic if I drink Fantaa.